Would you ever let you husband's ex move in with you?
Topic: Would you ever let you husband's ex move in with you?
April 24, 2019 / By Finley Question:
First of all if I ever came across this question myself I would answer NO! but there are some things in my situation that cause me to wonder what I should do??? My husband has three kids from a previous marriage. The children has had to move from her home into ours due to an illness that is keeping her from being able to work and provide for them. We live about 50 miles from each other and she is currently living with a relative. She was recently diagnosed with Lupus and since she hasn't been able to work she doesn't have medical insurance. She is scared about what her future holds and wants to be closer to her kids. Seeing that she can't support herself her only option would be to live with us. My step daughter of 15 brought up the issue and I kind of blew it off like she was joking until I realized she wasn't. I've talked to the ex a few times and it seems to me that she is hinting towards the same. Is it crazy that I am even wondering if this could ever work? What should I do???
Maybe I worded my question wrong but these three kids already live with us and have for a year. They are my husbands children. He is the father and the one with Lupus is the mother. He isn't my ex he is hers. One of the answers is way off base.
Best Answers: Would you ever let you husband's ex move in with you?
Darell | 1 day ago
The problem with this is the timeframe. Lupus will keep her ill for a very long, drawn out time. If she moves in, you need to be prepared to have her there indefinitely, and you can't kick a sick woman out on the street.
I think that if you and your husband have the funds, you should help her get a cheap studio apartment nearby.
Do you get along with her?
I commend you for considering this, and I would say "yes, take her in" if it wasn't for the fact that you may never be able to get rid of her once she is there.
If you DO let her move in, have her sign a document prepared by a lawyer with terms and conditions of living in your house, boundaries, timeframe, responsibilities (either around the house or financially) etc.
👍 210 | 👎 1
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you sound like you don't think you are worth anything without a man. it is very hard to take care of 5 children as a single mother, but this doesn't mean you should just jump straight into another marriage with someone you barely know. you have been talking to a guy online for four months and you think you know him? you think you talk to a guy on the phone for 2 months and do you really think you know them enough to be a father-figure to you children? it sounds to me like you are going to get taken advantage of for the purpose of gaining a greencard. at least with the first guy. the second guy, 2 months on the phone and you are in love? how can you be sure this is what is best for your children? I don't know what to say about your ex-husband being there... I can understand it is a huge weight off your shoulders to have his help... but children are smarter than people give them credit for and they will know there is not a loving relationship between the two of you. are you at all able to move closer to any family that might be able to help you out?
👍 90 | 👎 -8
You need to be credited first for being a loving human, large heart, thoughtful... But the woman who cautioned against this are right; she has a family to care for her; she might have an apartment closer to her children....and perhaps there are other half-way consideration, but I feel it too great a strain to have an 'outsider' living among you -- particularly an ex. You may be taking on much more than you expect and in the end find it harmful to all of your relations. Very best wishes.
👍 90 | 👎 -17
this is a hard decision.. but if it was me.. and you seem to be a good woman even considering this... but the poor woman has lupus.. it's incurable and depending on which type she has.. and considering she is not getting treatment.. she may not have long... i think you need to ask yourself.. if it was you, wouldn't you want to spend as much time with your children... plus i think the children would appreciate it more then anything... at the least maybe help her find something closer to the children.. a small apartment or home.. that is what i would do... hope that helps..
👍 90 | 👎 -26
I applaud you for even considering this but I would not do it. This is not a short-term gig; she could live with her illness for a very long time. If she is disabled, she should be able to get some sort of assistance like SSI disability, public housing etc...I would not take on the responsibility of providing for this woman. She does have other alternatives.
👍 90 | 👎 -35
Originally Answered: Am I being rude to my husband?
You and I are in the same boat, m'lady. My husband snores so loud, sometimes I swear a bear crawled into bed next to me!
I have been taken valerian root to put me to sleep. It's a natural herb that's non-addictive and works better than the manufactured crap, anyway. Have you suggested maybe a doctor visit for him? There's a ton of reasons as to why he could be snoring, the top three being weight, nose, or throat and mouth issues.
And no, to me you're not being rude. There have been many nights when the snoring is so bad that I have him out on the couch or me and have to shut the door because he's so loud. It's not EVERY night, but I told him that he had to do something about this soon, so he made a doctor's appointment and will be going soon. Ugh...